Longing and Idols

I build a lot of idols. An idol can be anything that you worship instead of God, and I have a ton of things I’ve put upon sacred alters in my life. A good way of finding out what your idols are is asking what would destroy you if you ever lost it? What do you protect with anger and with a closed fist?

Like I said I have many

I worship my wife. I’ve built my life around loving her and trying my best to be enough for her and making her happy. If she were gone tomorrow I’d be destroyed by the grief. I also worship my parents. I’ve spent most of my life trying to show them that I am a son that they could be proud of. When I disappoint them it hurts.

I chase after idols of success. I feel as if I’d be willing to do just about anything to be successful in life. If I could make a lot of money or be loved by lots of people.

I worship the pursuit of happiness, I have a set of idea’s that I always feel would make me feel complete and happy and those idea’s change and evolve as the blessings I do receive become not enough.

I worship my brother, he was my best friend and losing him 12 years ago changed my life forever. I’ve been trying my best to recover from that blow and I still haven’t.

I worship my friends and friendship in general. There is nothing like hanging out with folks you love.  I also worship food and the way that eating good food makes me feel.

I worship music, the way certain songs and sounds make me feel.

This is by no means a exhaustive list of the idols I’ve built, but it illustrates the problem. I have put things on alters of worship and everything I’ve bowed to is transitory and finite just as I am. More and more I am hearing my fathers voice asking me if I am ready to give up the hold I have on these things. To relinquish my need to feel as if I am in control off everything.

With this invitation to let go of my idols has also been a call t express what my true longing in life is. My therapist asked me about my longing during our first session and I have struggled trying to find an answer to what it is that I long for.

Independence?

Kids?

To not be afraid anymore?

To shed the depression which has weighed me down forever?

All are honest longings and there isn’t anything wrong with any of them. But perhaps they can be summed up in one single concept and that’s the idea that I am having trouble finding. Perhaps as my idols are destroyed, as I move closer to the heart of my father in heaven, my true hearts desire will make itself known. Perhaps I’ll also be able to learn how to love and appreciate the people and things of this life without worshiping them.

 

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