Smokin Hot… Misogyny?

Yesterday, while listening to another great episode of 9 Thumbs(which, if you haven’t checked out yet you should! it’s a pop culture podcast from a unique post modern  Christian perspective.) I was made aware of a conversation that has recently been happening in the Christian Blogosphere. To give you a basis here what’s been going on are Christian men, mainly CHristian pastors, have been referring to their spouses as “Smokin Hot Wives” not only in private, but on public social media platforms like Instagram and Twitter. This led Mary DeMuth to write a blog called “I’m Sick of Hearing About Your Smokin’ Hot Wife”, in which she talks about what she feels are the unrealistic exp[ecations laid on women.

These expectations get laid out in blog posts, books, sermons, conferences, and keynotes, all directed at us, Christian women. Earlier this year, I wrote “The Sexy Wife I Can’t Be,” sharing what it felt like to attend a “sexy wives” conference, where the speakers talked about ways to entice, offer our bellies as fruit bowls, and become the sex kittens our men deserve. I felt bile rise up in my throat. I knew I couldn’t have been the only woman in this audience suffering from flashbacks from unwanted sexual abuse. I left that conference feeling less than. I tried some of the things they suggested, but I ended up feeling even more cheap, more used, thrust backward in my oh-so-long journey toward healing. I playacted; I disconnected; and when I couldn’t keep up the charade, I felt even more guilty. Smoking hot, I was not.

This led Zach Hoag to respond at Huffington Post.

Mostly, guys blabbing about this stuff are just posturing. They are publicly asserting that they are in fact one of the (Christian) guys, the ones with the power, the ones with the penii (is that the correct plural form?). They are showing that they have a dominant gender role in the home and church, given to them by God, and by golly they are going to tweet compliments about their wives, using the words of drunk 19-year-old fraternity brothers.

In both blogs the same idea came to light. That these men, while seeming to be complementary of their wives were actually being misogynistic. Really?

Look, I empathize with Mrs DeMuth, she has written candidly about her past encounters with sexual abuse. I don’t think that is something we should(or can) take lightly and I think her past reflects upon her opinions when she writes about this topic. I don’t however, understand how complimenting your wife whether in private or public could be seen as misogynist.

I’ve referred to my wife as hot and as sexy. I’ve done this both privately and publicly. She has done the same to me. It’;s actually one of the things that she has asked me to do from time to time, she has told me she enjoys it. One thing I haven’t done is I haven’t asked her to live up to some lofty physical standard in order to remain my sexy wife, she is sexy because she is Corrie.

When I met Corrie and fell in love with her over the course of our dating relationship it became apparent to me that she would forever set the standard of beauty for me in my life. No woman I would ever meet, no matter how good they might look, would ever surpass the blessing God gave me when he gave me her. So yeah I like to compliment her, I enjoy showing her off, I’ll flirt with her privately and publicly. I may even instagram a picture of her giving me a look that drives me wild but it’s not because she is tirelessly living up to a standard that no one could meet.

Besides, I’d much rather read about men who are totally ion love with their wives and find them sexy than hearing about men raving about the physical beauty about some woman they don’t even know. When men compliment their wives I cannot help but think that this is the way it was meant to be.

And for the love of God could we please stop overusing the word misogyny? I don’t not think it means what YOU think it means.



  1. I agree with your thoughts. While Christian leaders need to be careful with derogatory comments towards women, I’m not really sure this counts as that. It seems that, sometimes, mainstream Christians just need something to complain about.

    • Yup, and they zero in on a few that they feel are the worst offenders and whatever those chosen few do is wrong.

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